Cobra’s Creatures is one of the best animated episodes of the season, and by the term “animated” I am speaking strictly in terms of the animation itself. It is also one of the worst plots in the entire series. It opens with Junkyard, Mutt’s canine sidekick, testing out a parachute on his own from 40,000 FEET while two empty Skystrikers follow Flint down for a landing on autopilot. Okay, weird opening, but now back to reality, right?

Wrong.

A lovesick evil scientist (evil by default given his name is Dr. Lucifer), wants Cobra’s help to free his evil scientist girlfriend, Atilla, from jail. In exchange for their help he gives them a ray gun that turns animals into loyal rabid acolytes of Cobra.

If that sounds a little lame but still digestible, remember, the premise is just the appetizer.

This episode is filled with probably the most graphic violence in the entire series. A captured Mutt and Ripcord are beaten into submission in unusually brutal saliva spitting detail by Cobra troopers; Mutt beats the shit out of his canine best friend; While Spirit and Snakes-Eyes draw actual blood against some unsuspecting Cobra Troopers in a generic hallway, but first…

Cobra lions capture the world’s oil fields…

Cobra whales capture the world’s only oil tanker…

There are lots of eagles in America, right? Well Cobra eagles bring Capitol Hill to a stand still (or, a typical day for a do-nothing congress)…

Likewise, in Moscow, wolves bring Russia (the Soviet Union) to its knees. I guess there are a lot of wolves in the Russian wilderness. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Well, that’s okay then.

Cobra Rhinos… WHAT THE FUCK! Rhinos at Westminster? What the hell are fucking Rhinos doing in London?! Seriously?!

A FUCKING HERD OF RHINOS?

Moving on… Mutt’s “best friend” (aww… Mutt’s best friend isn’t even human) turns on him. So….

Mutt gives Junkyard the longball! Mutt sure dishes out some tough love.

I told you it was violent. At least that’s over…

Oh Jesus! You’re not done yet?

So, with the world held hostage by animals, back at Joe headquarters, Spirit and Snake-Eyes are chosen to go search and rescue Mutt, Ripcord and Scarlett.

Hang on a second… Spirit and Snake-Eyes both have pets! Guys, wait!

It is fortunate that Freedom and Timber both understand the prisoner and escort routine when they are verbally told that is how Spirit wants them to get Snake-Eyes and himself inside the Cobra base. Once inside, Spirit and Snake-Eyes free Scarlett and Ripcord and go on a rampage to find Cobra Commander.

Waitaminute! Is that blood? No… it’s got to be saliva colored wrong.

That’s a shit ton of red saliva….

Go Go Saturnian Blood Punch!

This aired on weekday afternoons? Where? On HBO-Kids?

So, that’s Cobra’s Creatures. An episode that gave the show’s violence and animal rights critics a leg to stand on. A show that put’s Junkyard through hell… and heaven!

That’s it. I’m punching out too.