The first two-part story of the series, Synthoid Conspiracy is a more serious episode than most. This may be one reason I usually skip watching it. That’s not to say it isn’t well done. There is a strong military emphasis that keeps things a little more realistic than usual, despite the sci-fi doppelgangers at the heart of the plot. Writer Christy Marx paces the plot well across two episodes without any padding or fluff. It almost has a movie quality about it. In that respect, it is a million times better than what they ended up making as the actual G.I. Joe movie.

Season 1 tends to focus more on Flint & Lady Jaye, but Synthoid Conspiracy is one of a handful of stories that makes an exception and puts yesteryear’s leaders back in the limelight: Duke & Scarlett. The story kicks off with the Joes conducting naval war games in front of the chiefs-of-staff; a nice, grounded opening setup. But beneath the surface, literally, lies a Cobra Riptide Submarine, ready to strike!

On the USS Flagg, Shipwreck tries his luck with Scarlett by attempting to grope her and is duly slapped across the face. He hits on all three Joe girls once in the series: Lady Jaye in Revenge of Cobra and Cover-Girl in The Germ. I guess Scarlett isn’t the only one to know better than to get knocked up by a sailor.

However, as Scarlett is instructed by Duke to scramble the Sky Strikers for the Joe war games, Shipwreck calls after her and wishes her good luck, “Scarlett! Give ‘em your best!” Scarlett smiles and calls back “I’ll sink one for you, Shipwreck!” It’s a nice scene that shows Scarlett doesn’t hold Shipwreck’s actions against him. Perhaps she knows that behind all his bluster, he’s lonely.

Cobra Commander, for once, has a scheme that does not directly involve Destro. It seems Zartan is the driving force behind it, having taken Destro’s basic synthoid material and turned it into a synthetic cloning project. However, they make the mistake of screwing with Destro’s pride. Both Cobra Commander and Zartan mess with the arms dealer by making a perfect doppelganger that they order to bow. This totally freaks Destro out and sets up his impending betrayal by assisting the Joes to foil the conspiracy.

I never forgave Destro for this as a kid and it still bothers me. The implication is that Cobra would have won if Destro hadn’t given the secret to the Joes. Lesson: Never be a dick to Destro.

While the Dreadnoks create a distraction, Doppelgangers of the military’s top brass are substituted for the real ones aboard the escort ship. Who knew the Dreadnoks were brilliant pilots, or that FANG copters could take down far superior Joe Sky Strikers? Not me! Hell, they are so good, they manage to shoot down Duke! I don’t think the Dreadnoks get hit. Buzzer even severs the Joe leader’s connection to his parachute without his rotor blades getting in the way! Next time they should one-up themselves by flying naked and wearing lipstick… I’m just sayin’.

Back in Washington, DC the Synthoid generals cut government funding, crippling G.I. Joe’s ability to function. Cobra then launches a full scale air strike on the Joe Headquarters causing wide-spread devastation. See! Now this is a mature script that doesn’t treat the audience like they’re stupid four year olds! Hats off to Zartan. His plan has put him in the elite company of Firefly when it comes to actually hurting the good guys. And as for the script, this is a more devious plan from Cobra than the typical “super weapon ultimatum” plot, giving us something new: the Joes forced onto the backfoot.

It’s kind of fun seeing the doppelganger Duke attempt to pass for the real deal among the Joes. It’s amazing how bad the artificial intelligence is though. He actually gets Scarlett’s name wrong, calling her “Cover-Girl”. But to be honest, he makes a really good point. Scarlett has a copycat and judging by the way Cover-Girl is looking at Duke in that screenshot, she has her sights on Duke. Maybe both girls thought Duke was making a joke. Regardless, they shrug and move on.

And here’s another thought… For someone who is presumably sleeping with Duke, Scarlett takes a while to notice how out of character he is behaving. Maybe he’s indecisive and confused in their personal life together? Hmmm… A great scene, that should have been included, would have been in Scarlett’s bedroom. She intends to get all romantic but Duke doesn’t take the obvious hints. Oh wait… that’s pretty much the real Duke in most episodes… Well, never mind.

Mutt’s dog, Junkyard, knows that General Franks is an imposter, but after attacking him the General orders for the animal to be shot. Mutt and Junkyard flee in a surprisingly emotional scene in which Rock ‘n Roll pursues on a Silver Mirage, cornering them, only to blow a hole in the fence to help them escape –an act for which he could receive a court-martial. Scenes like this are better than the standard juvenile fare in children’s cartoons of the time. And that’s what makes Synthoid Conspiracy stand up so well.

About the only good thing Quick-Kick ever does in the series is save Junkyard’s life. That’s it, though.

Mutt and Junkyard receive help from an unexpected ally…

Destro: “No, don’t worry. I normally sneak up behind someone in this pose when I want to earn their trust!”

The real Duke is held captive at a Cobra base in a sort of half-sunken volcanic atoll. Looks like G.I. Joe aren’t the only ones affected by budget cuts. What happened to the ridiculous temples? Cobra with a little subtlety? Say what?

In the meantime, the Joe base is shut down and Scarlett ends up working for General Franks at the Pentagon. Franks orders her to make him a cup of tea. Before she can cough phlegm into his cup, she and the Joes decide to hold a secret meeting.

The Joes discover the location of the Cobra base when Breaker is able to trace a communication between Synthoid General Franks and Cobra Commander. They decide to disobey orders, break into a military armory and, with the help of Destro, escape in Sky Strikers.

Destro: “Come at me, bro!”
Scarlett: “I’m not your bro, chromedick!”

Destro and Scarlett were always the last players left at Tuesday Night Risk.

Shortly afterwards, the Joes attack Cobra’s base and Scarlett has at last figured out that the Duke she’s been hanging out with for the last couple of days is an impostor. You’d think, however, that she would welcome the sudden physicality. Bah! It’s always the way, isn’t it? A woman comes onto you like a bitch in heat and the second you reciprocate, it’s rape. That little Duke-teaser!

Duke: “Where’s that lube?”

One of the inevitable cliches or tropes in doppleganger / impostor stories, is confrontation where the bystanders are forced to decide which one is real. It’s like every adventure show and comic does this type of story at some point (sometimes more than once). Junkyard solves the dilemma and ruins Scarlett’s fantasies.

Despite having nearly been murdered by an evil clone of her boyfriend, Scarlett is all over the real thing as soon as he shows up. Duke looks his usual, uncomfortable self. Is he actually interested in Scarlett? Does he ever actually initiate any of the flirting? I don’t think so.

Synthoid Duke: “Oh what a world!”

In his effort to escape, Synthoid Duke bursts in on Cobra Commander in the control room, giving the masked man quite a start. The Commander decides the best way to be sure he’s not the real deal is to destroy him with the hand held control. Despite Zartan’s earlier warning in episode 1 about not pushing the button when the lever is on max, Cobra Commander undoes all their progress in seconds, melting not only Duke, but the Synthoid generals too. So, there you have it. Cobra Commander really screws this one up.

Cobra Commander: “I… I fucked up, didn’t I, Zartan?”

No! Don’t open the Ark of the Covenant, you fool!!!

While the Joes are day dreaming, Cobra Commander and Zartan escape in a cozy little Firebat, picnic basket and tartan blanket in the trunk.

Duke: “Looks like that’s the last we’re gonna see of Cobra!”
Scarlett: “Duke, I want a baby.”

It may not be the most riveting of the two-parters, but it is generally better than the average adventure and refreshing to see the Joes placed on the backfoot by Cobra using less direct methods to win.

Synthoid Conspiracy ****
Starring: Duke, Scarlett
Also Featuring: Mutt & Junkyard, Cobra Commander, Destro, Zartan, Dreadnoks, Rock n’ Roll, Cover-Girl, Breaker, Quick-Kick, pretty much all the Joes… Crimsons Guards, Cobra Troopers
Vehicles: USS Flagg, SHARC, Sky Strikers, Dragonfly, Wolverine, APC, FANG Copters, Moccasin, Morays, Riptide
Joe Commander on Duty: Duke / Scarlett